Flashbacks
by Thanatos God of the Dead
Summary: War takes over again & Germany is pulled away to fight. Italy is forced to relive the worst moment of his life as Germany leaves him. Germany's memory is triggered from fighting. The war takes a violent, will Germany ever be able to tell Italy the truth?
1. Chapter 1

**OMIGOD! I can't believe I did this! You'll note a change in cast. I was so stupid! I confused Switzerland and Sweden! I can't believe I did that! My brain totally just screwed up on me. So here's the edited version enjoy!**

* * *

The room was dark. The sun had yet to begun rising, but it was the early morning. The clock read 3:32 AM. A body laid in the bed, shrouded by the sheets. He slept. Not soundly, but he slept. His steady breathing signaled that he was at least asleep now. A curl could be seen standing off from the rest of his hair.

The sound of fingers against keys could be heard from the room next door. The blue eyes and pale face were lit up by the light of the monitor. His blonde hair was a mess around his head from his fingers running through it out of frustration. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed beside his Italian lover, hold him close and sleep until his arm went off.

He could not.

First, he could not sleep. His mind would not let him. He was too worried about what was to come later that morning. Second, there were preparations that still needed to be made. He sighed, running his fingers through his blonde hair again.

The floor boards creaking drew him back to reality. He turned around to see Italy, standing in his red boxers, rubbing his eyes and yawing. "Doitsu, will you come to bed? It's lonely in there." He asked, sounding sad and neglected. It clawed at Germany's heart to see his lover look sad.

"In a minute, Italy." He said firmly, his expression softening.

Italy sighed, his eyes burning. "That's what you said an hour ago." He turned away and went back into the bedroom, sniffling. Germany was leaving at ten that morning. Italy wanted to sleep close to him before he left, but the other country had failed to come to bed with him at all. Italy wiped his eyes as tears broke through.

Germany sighed and ruffled his hair angrily. He hated war. His boss was making him fight and he had no choice but to go along with it. He wished with all his heart his boss was more like Italy's: Make love not war.

He wished he had gotten the chance to make love with Italy one last time before he left. He wondered if he would be able to. He had most of the preparations done. He just had to pack. He groaned. He still hadn't packed. He was far behind. He had been too worried about making Italy safe while he stayed home to worry about getting ready for war. Now Italy was sad and he was far behind.

He stood up and dug through the office closet for his duffle bag. A thud made him jump and reach for his holster. His heart pounded as he looked down at the push broom that fell. He sighed, realized his gun wasn't even on him, and picked up the broom. He felt the handle and shook his head. He never understood why he kept it. It looked worn and only collected dust, but for some reason he never had the heart to throw it out. He put it back and found his duffle bag. He grabbed it and went into their bedroom, seeing Italy sitting up, hugging his knees, trembling.

"Italy?" Germany called, amazed to see the other man still sitting up.

Italy froze, but sat up, wiping his eyes. His nose was rosy, as were his eyes; he had been crying. "Oh, Doitsu! A-Are you coming to bed?" He asked, looking hopeful.

Germany swallowed. He didn't have the heart, but he couldn't lie to his lover. "Sorry, I still have to pack." He said, his heart breaking as he watched Italy's face fall. "I will right after, I promise."

Italy didn't seem to believe him. He just shrugged and stood up, going into the bathroom. Germany stared at the door and sighed sadly. He wished he had to nothing more to do than hold Italy and kiss him, but he knew he could not. The toilet flushed and water ran on the other side. Italy opened the door and crawled back into bed, not looking at Germany as he packed his clothes into the bag.

Italy laid still listening to his lover. He finally sat up, staring at him. "Will you ever come back? Will I ever get to see you again?" He asked, trying to hold back his tears. They trickled, escaping his resistance. He hated the idea of losing Germany. He hated the idea of Germany leaving him. He had lost love once; he didn't want to again.

Germany stood up straight and looked at him. He saw the sadness in his lover's eyes. Italy's normally smiling face was contorted with agony and fear. Germany's usually hardened expression weakened and he moved over to the bed, sitting down and holding his arms out for Italy. The country smiled weakly yet threw his arms around the blonde man's neck, hugging tightly. Germany rubbed his back, kissing his ear. "Of course, I will Italy. I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise."

"Y-You better." Italy sniffled, beginning to unravel. He sobbed and hugged his lover as tightly as he could, clawing into his black tank top. "You better."

* * *

Austria peered into the open door, hugging onto the worn leather bound journal. The sun had come up a couple hours prior. He caught his target; Germany's bag.

Austria crept into the bedroom and toward the bag. He slipped the old journal into it and zipped it up as quietly as possible. He glanced at the bed and smiled to himself, sadly, but he smiled. Germany had his arms slipped around Italy, holding him close. Italy was curled up into Germany's body, hiding his face in the fabric of Germany's tank top.

The country shook his head. _Italy's going to have a rough few weeks._

Austria crept out of the room and shut the door behind him. He silently made his way down the hall. He hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen where his lover sat, waiting for him with tea. "Did you do it?" Switzerland asked, looking up at Austria skeptically.

The dark haired country smiled and nodded. "I did." He said sliding in to sit beside his boyfriend.

Switzerland eyed him, amazement behind his eyes. He sipped his tea with a muttered, "You're still weak." He drank his tea, Austria rolling his eyes. "You're a hopeless romantic." He explained, setting his cup down.

"So are you. I still remember our anniversary." Austria said, sitting up straighter. Switzerland flushed and looked away. Austria glanced at the ring on his left hand as it caught the light. "I love you, Vash." He said quietly, setting his cup down as well.

"Love you, too, Roderich." Switzerland mumbled, still unable to look at the other country with a blush on his face.

* * *

Italy felt tears trail down his cheeks. He always thought Germany looked good in his uniform, but now he didn't want to see him wearing it. It meant Germany had to leave. It meant it was time to say goodbye. He sniffled and wiped his eyes as Germany set his duffle bag down before the front door.

Germany stood straight and turned at hearing his lover crying. He pulled Italy into his arms and held him close; an arm wrapped tightly around Italy's waist, his other hand tangling its fingers into Italy's hair. "I'll be home soon. I promise. Wait for me?" He asked in a soft whisper, his lips against Italy's ear.

The smaller nation sniffled, hugging onto Germany tightly. "Yes Germany, I'll wait. I'll wait for forever." Italy's voice cracked as he spoke. He held onto Germany tightly, refusing to let him go._ I won't give up hope this time. Like with Holy Roma. I'll wait until the day you return. No matter what._ "Please, come back."

Germany cupped Italy's face, a tear straying from his blue eyes as he kissed his lover passionately. He tried to push as much love as he could into the one kiss. "I will, Italy. I love you."

Italy smiled weakly, wiping his eyes. "I love you, too, Doitsu."

Germany held Italy and gave him a lingering kiss. They pulled apart reluctantly and Italy smiled weakly. Germany held his breath, but he knew the time had come. He held his breath. He didn't want to say it, but the time had come. The grandfather clock chimed ten times somewhere in the house. He took a deep breath and kissed Italy one final time. "G-Goodbye, Italy."

Italy sniffled and hugged Germany one final time. "G-Goodbye Doitsu."

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**Chapter 1- End**

**Sorry Sorry! UGH I FEEL SO STUPID! The SW tripped me up! ALWAYS DOES!**

**And I'm supposed to have an IQ 0f 168.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Hetalia**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next chapter. Haven't been updating as quickly as usual. Have way too much school crap to deal with. Plus working on mulitple fics at once... I need a massage.**

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Austria heard the door to the kitchen open and close. He turned around to see a sad eyed, but eager faced, Italy looking up at him hopefully. "Austria! Austria! Have we gotten word from Germany?" He asked, tugging on Austria's sleeve.

"Um, Italy?" Austria said, staring at the boy in disbelief. "It's only been ten minutes."

Italy looked up at Austria, his shoulder's slumping and sadness returning in his expression. "Oh," was all he could utter. He dragged himself out of the kitchen sniffling. Austria sighed, feeling his heart wrench at seeing him so crushed.

Switzerland looked up at Austria from his chair at the table. "You always had an odd way with kids." He commented sarcastically.

"Shut up." Austria grumbled sitting down beside Switzerland in huff. He sighed, slouching in the chair. "He hasn't been this depressed since the incident with Holy Roman Empire." He said glancing at Switzerland. He paused and looked at the kitchen door. "Or, rather, the first time…."

Switzerland recognized the distress on his fiance's face and pulled him into his arms. Austria mewed and blushed brightly. He smiled and curled into Switzerland's hold, nuzzling the other country's throat. "It'll be okay, Roderich."

Austria smiled and little and kissed Switzerland's neck tenderly. "If you say so, Vash."

* * *

Italy sighed softly, staring out the window of his bedroom. His eyes stayed on the road he knew Germany had traveled that morning to head for the train station. He wondered if the war would end soon. He hoped it would. He _prayed_ it would. He couldn't stand Germany not being with him. He terrified himself with the horrors that could happen to his Germany. His heart clenched in his chest, squeezing tears down his eyes. He sniffled and wiped his watering eyes.

He knelt down before the window, his fingers laced together, his head bowed. He closed his eyes, trembling slightly. _Please, God, I know this is the third time and I'm being annoying, but please don't let Germany get sick, or injured or… or… worse. Please. Please let him come back safe and sound and all in one piece. I know there are other soldiers you're being asked to look after, but can you please look after Germany too. Please. I don't want to lose him again. Thank you. _"Amen."

Italy's fingers went limp as he finished his prayer. His shoulders slouched and he rested his head against the window sill; tears streamed down his face. He sobbed, his chest heaving and shuddering. He curled up, hugging his knees as he cried. "Please, don't let me lose him again. Please"

* * *

Down the stairs Austria froze in Switzerland's arms. He looked up towards the ceiling, his heart tearing in two as he heard the other man's agonized crying.

* * *

Germany sighed as he looked around the brigade of tents and soldiers. Fighting had yet to begin, but enemy troops were mobilizing toward their position. They had set up the check point and were prepared for a bloody battle. However, he did not feel up for the fighting. Italy's pained, tear stained face was still stuck in his mind's eye. He'd rather be loving his boyfriend than fighting for a cause he did not believe in.

"Germany, in here." He turned to see his boss sticking his head out of the tent. The blonde country nodded and made his way into the tent where his boss retook his seat at the card table. The other allies bosses sat discussing their options, pointing out various spots on the maps spread out around them.

"We have perfected nuclear arms this time."

"Much better tanks than the past two wars."

"Let's hope this doesn't become World War III. Let's get this contained before it grows."

"Agreed." Germany's boss stated firmly. "With better communications than what we've had, this should not be a problem. Hopefully after this battle we can all head home."

Nods and grunts of agreement went around the table. Germany took a seat near the back beside Russia and America. They glanced at each other and nodded. Words were unnecessary. There bosses had said it all. They only wanted to get the fighting finished and go home.

"Sirs! Commander!" All the men stood and hurried out of the tent at the desperate call. They saw the young soldier standing, the phone in his hands. He looked horrified. A wave of apprehension rolled in like fog, thickening the air. Everyone collectively held their breath as Russia's boss took the phone from the young man.

"What's going on?" He demanded into the phone. He listened, his determination slipping away from his face and a brief flicker of horror took place before his expression hardened. He swallowed. "Alright, over and out." He hung up the phone and looked at the other men. "It seems they've mobilized in different regiments. They have troops that have attacked Lithuania and they have bombers moving into China."

Russia held his expression strong and neutral, but Germany recognized panic in the other man's eyes. He knew how he felt. He counted his blessings that no more countries had been hit. His heart was pounding and he glanced at America, seeing a fierceness in his eyes. His and Lithuania had been friends. Germany knew this news fueled the fighting spirit in America. He felt it too, however. A new wave of determination seemed to crash through everyone. Fire burned in everyone's eyes. It was time to fight.

"Well boys." Germany's boss stated as he moved forward. "Seems we have more fights to win than expected."

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**Chapter 2- End**

**Watching Criminal Minds... It's hard to believe how much of a romantic Aaron Hotchner can be. All over a pirate hat. Anyways if as I said before. It was not meant to be Sweden it was supposed to be Switzerland. I fixed it, but if Sweden pops up in this one, please let me know. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry I have not updated. I lost my thumbdrive and all my work, so this story was lost and I did not feel up to rewriting it until now.**

**Thank you, all my lovely readers, and my deepest appreciation to all those who take time to review and tell me how much they like my story!**

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Germany sighed as he finished his letter, signing his name swiftly and quickly stuffing the letter into an envelope. America appeared in the doorway, knocking on the frame slowly, a solemn smile on his face. "They struck again. They started attacking closer to my home." He winced and looked down at the floor, a sigh escaping his lips. "C-Canada is in the hospital."

"I'm sorry," Germany said quietly, knowing the two countries were brothers and very close in their own way. He knew this was a hard hit for the country, especially since he could do nothing while at war. "Will he be all right?"

"I-I don't know. He was supposed to be staying with France. I don't know why he was even home." America wiped his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to force back his tears. "I-I guess I should tell him. Just thought you should know they struck again."

Germany nodded and watched the other country disappear without another word. He sighed and rubbed his temples, trying to breathe. If the enemy started striking in Europe again, what if they hit his home? Italy was supposed to be there for his protection, but what would keep them from attacking his home? He looked at the letter and quickly sealed the envelope.

* * *

_My Dearest Feliciano,_

_War has begun, I am sad to say, and I've already seen a battle. Do not worry, we won and I am fine. I hope you are well. I miss you, and hope you are not to sad without me. I do not know when I will be home. Tell Austria I am sorry for not writing as often as I can and make sure he does not worry too badly as well._

_I hope that you stay safe and try not to draw too much attention to yourself. I love you and I don't want you be hurt. I hope you will be safe and I miss you Italy._

_Love,_

_Ludwig._

* * *

Italy stood in the middle of the kitchen and finished reading. A stray tear trickled down his face. He sniffled and wiped his eyes, taking a trembling breath. He looked up at Austria, thanked him, and hurried out of the room, clutching the letter tightly to his chest. He disappeared down the hall leaving Austria to look at Switzerland with a sad look. The blonde country kissed him tenderly and held him close.

"He's not going to last," Austria murmured into Switzerland's chest.

* * *

Italy tapped his pen against his chin, trying to think of words that would express his feelings. He took a deep breath and sighed. He tapped the tip of his pen to the paper and let the ink flow on the sheet, painting a picture. He wrote and wrote and wrote, letting his mind paint pictures with words. He smiled when it was done and quickly read over it to check for spelling mistakes.

* * *

_My Sweetest Ludwig,_

_I was happy to finally receive a letter from you. It's unbearable not seeing you everyday. I miss you terribly. I miss your warmth against my body at night. I miss your hard stare and your sky eyes. I wish I could see them again. I can't wait for you to return home._

_I hope you will stay safe. I hope you do not get sick or injured and please try to stay alive so I can see you again and again. I miss you and hope you will write back to me as soon as possible. Hearing your voice, even if only in my mind as I read your words, eases me and keeps me from breaking down in your absence. I love you, with all my being and I would do anything to see you one more time._

_I will promise to keep to myself since you request it. I will try and keep myself safe and I promise to honour you in anyway I can. I hope you will come home soon. Please, do not forget me._

_Love, with all of me,_

_Italy_

* * *

Ludwig sighed softly as he read Italy's words, a smile tugging at his lips even as explosions sounded beyond his bunker. He swallowed painfully as gunfire filled his head. He sighed bitterly and stood up, grabbing his weapons and pushing the letter into his pocket. He pushed towards the exit and stumbled over his bag, knocking it over. He ignored it for now and ran up the stairs leaving his uniform and an old leather bound journal laying in the dirt.

He met America at the tanks and climbed inside. America looked grimmer than normal and stayed silent as he took the driver's seat. He normally rambled on and tried to act like a comic book hero, but now he silently revved up the tanks engine as Germany grabbed the gun controls.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he nodded to a third soldier as he loaded the ammunition.

America swallowed, his expression still blank although his eyes shined with tears trying to force their escape. He took a shaken breath and sped the tank forward, his voice flat as he mumbled, "England's dead."

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**Chapter 3- End**

**TBC**

**I have a quick question. I have an awesome idea for a hetalia fanfiction, but I need everyones help. I agree that SpainXRomano is an amazing pairing, I admit to likeing it very much, but I need another person for Spain. Who's another good person to pair Spain with other than Romano?**

**Thank you!**


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